Life is for Living
by Captain.Marco
Summary: "Whether you live, or die, It's all up to you, Brat. We've done all we can. All that's left is for you to wake up." I listen to his words, I feel trapped. I try my hardest to open my eyes. Nothing. "Don't you dare leave him alone in this world, he won't last without you. He's so broken up. He believes it's his own fault you went and tried to get yourself killed."
1. Pre-Story

_**A/N:**_** Hey Guys! So, I just restarted Please be nice, Um.. You guys can call me Kat, and if you ever want a part in my story, PM me c:**

**That's pretty much it.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>The memories of how I got here are still fuzzy.<p>

All I remember is the fight.

The last words I said to _H__im_._  
><em>

I was so angry then, so full of hate. Even now, all I can think about is how much I hate myself, and how much I hate the situation I am in. Everything about me is so hateful, even if I don't mean it to be. How could I hate him? How could I say the things I said to his face..? All he ever wanted was to make me happy.. I never thought I'd even make it this far without him, it's obvious I can't make it much farther. There's a voice calling my name.. It's _his_ voice. I know it's his voice, I remember how it sounded. Even if I can't remember anything else, _His voice_ is imprinted in _my _brain. I don't want to open my eyes. I refuse to, but I still _hear him calling my name_. It's getting farther away. With each breath I take, the less I can hear him, the fuzzier his picture gets in my head, the less I remember his smile, or his eyes. Everything is slowly getting louder, drowning out the memories I'd so carefully stored away. The memories of him, of our time together.. Of everything we'd worked so hard to get.. and how I threw it away._  
><em>

Through the near deafening silence, I struggled to listen to the fuzzy words being said.

_"Should I attempt to wake her?"_

_"No, too risky."_

_"Levi's right, we can't afford to lose her. She's a much too valuable asset-"_

_"STOP TALKING ABOUT HER LIKE SHE'S SOME DAMN WEAPON!"_

_That voice. I know that voice._

I feel my heart rate spike at the sound of it, I want to wake up. I try to move my arm to get their attention, but my arm suddenly feels like it weighs a million pounds. I begin to panic, What happened to me? Why was I not able to move, or wake up? I tried to scream, I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it appeared that only I could hear it.

I was scared now, what's happening? Where am I? I feel a pair of cold hands against my own.

_"Don't worry.. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it, I-..."_ He stopped. I wanted to cry, He _forgives _me. After all I said to him, He forgives _me_!

_"I love you."_ His voice became very choked, Now I really wanted to cry. I wanted to throw my arms around him and comfort him. He still loves me.

'_I love you too.'_ I thought, I feel a tear of his fall onto my cheek.

_"I should've protected you! I shouldn'tve let you run off all my your damn self.."_

_'No, don't beat yourself up.. There's nothing you could've done!' _I wanted to say, I feel him gripping my unmoving hand tighter. _'You couldn't stop it from happening to me.'_

_"I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE!" _He yells, as if he knows what I would've said. _"I should've been there.. I-I should've gotten you out in time.. I shouldn't have let you go."_

I realize now why he's crying. He thinks I'm leaving him alone in this world. _'No, Don't say that! I'm not leaving you! I'm right here!' _I try to gather every last ounce of strength in my body to gently squeeze his hand back, but nothing's happening. Internally, I am screaming, I want to throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest.

_"It's all my damn fault."_

_'No, It's not.'_

I feel him let go of my hand, a female voice speaking to him.

_"There's nothing you could've done differently.. She will wake up. I promise you." _The woman says, She's leading him away. His radiating warmth is leaving me. I soon enough only hear one more person in the room.

_"Tch."_

It's Lance Corporal Levi.

_"Whether you live, or die, It's all up to you, Brat. We've done all we can. All that's left is for you to wake up."_

I listen to his words, I feel trapped. I try my hardest to open my eyes. Nothing.

_"Don't you dare leave him alone in this world, he won't last without you. He's so broken up. He believes it's his own fault you went and tried to get yourself killed."_

I hear the emotion in his voice, Is... Is the Corporal.. crying?

_"Why'd you have to be such a dumbass? We could've made it out alive, but no. You had to be the hero didn't you?"_

I feel my heart pick up it's speed again, I listen carefully now.

_"It's up to you." _He whispers now, I can hear him choking back sobs. _"You've got what you've always wanted. You have the final say, Life or Death. It's your choice."_

My choice. I didn't want this choice, I don't want this. I want to wake up, I want to let him know I'm okay. I can't imagine such a strong man crying over me. Was I really that important to him?

_"Choose wisely, you stupid brat.. You aren't just deciding for yourself anymore.. You decide for all of us."_

I understand what he's saying, If I choose life.. I come back, I fight for my life, Everyone will react to my return.. If I choose death, I will die here, my body will eventually wither away, or worse, Become titan food. My loss will affect everyone. Levi, Hanji, everyone.

I hear Levi whisper something in french,

_"La vie est pour la vie."_

I remember when he used to teach me french, and bits and pieces of those memories returned. _'Life is for living.'_

I couldn't quit now, I had to wake up. I had to.

Nothing was going to stop me now. I had to wake up, I had to hold them again. I had to see Hanji smile again, I had to hear her rant on and on about titans and how amazing they were. I had to survive, I couldn't just.. Leave that behind.

Could I?

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><p><em><strong>AN:**** This is the end of the pre-story. I hope you guys found it really interesting. Leave me some constructive critisim please c:**_

_**Thanks for reading.**_


	2. Learning to Live

_**A/N: I apologize in advance for not updating really quickly, I've been super busy with school but as promised! Here's Chapter One! I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.**_

_**Since I held a popularity vote on my other social media, This story will be JeanxOC**_

_**Thanks for reading this c:**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 1:<br>**_

**Learning to**** Live**

_Flashback:_

I laugh as I run my hands through my now short dark hair, my eyes closing as I listened to Connie joke about Levi's height. We'd made it this far, I think we're entitled to a little sense of relaxation. Sasha watches Connie, her cheeks puffed out as he ignored her cries for food.  
>"C'mon, Guys! He isn't that short." I say, causing another eruption of laughter among my squadmates. "Y-You're hilarious, Genevieve!" Eren laughed, wiping tears from the corner of his eyes. "That's a funny one, Gen!" Connie follows. Even Armin's laughing quietly, I let out a small giggle. "It really wasn't meant to be taken as a joke!" I laughed, shaking my head.<p>

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><p><em><strong>What was<strong>_** that?**

I try to move my arm again, I try to open my eyes to no avail.

_**My memories are coming back.**_

I want to feel that again, I want to feel again. That joy, that laughter, They're all so familiar. They're _relaxing. _They're nothing compared to the hell I'm living right now, I just want to _wake up from this nightmare. _

It's awful. It's like being in a jail voluntarily.

_**Try to remember more, maybe it'll help you wake up.**_

I listen to the voice inside my head, I give in to the painful headache pounding in my head and am almost immediately launched into a dreamlike state.

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><p><em>Flashback:<em>

"You know what I'd really like, Gen." _He_ says.

"Mm.." I respond, laying down in a soft patch of grass beside him.

"I'd really like to kiss you." He replies, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"If this is your idea of romance, Jean, I'm going to need you to try harder." I tease him, laughing quietly.

His grin almost immediately drops and becomes a pout.

"What...? B-But, I snuck you out of your quarters and brought you to the nicest place I know all for-"

I cut him off by placing my lips gently against his, It's almost as if he's shocked. His body tenses up against mine for a moment, then I feel our lips fall into rhythm with our hearts, and his hands snake their way around my waist.

Everything about this moment is perfect and briefly, It is unending; Until our lungs decide that oxygen would be nice, we break a few inches apart from each other. Our lips still touching as we struggled to make up to our lungs for the breaths we lost.

"That was.." I began, my pale face turning a deep shade of red.

"That was wonderful." He replies, a grin on his face. "We should come out here more often."

"It's our first date, Jean." I laugh, relieving some of the tension that had built up inside me. "If you want to get into my pants, you'll have to work for it."

At the last statement, He smirks. "Oh, I can definitely do that." He says, pouncing on me again.

"KIRSCHTEIN! ACKERMAN! GET OFF OF EACH OTHER THIS INSTANT!" The familiar voice of our superior comes from behind us.  
>I sigh, "Shit, Levi, Really?" I grumble.<p>

"BOTH OF YOU. STABLE DUTY FOR THE NEXT MONTH!" The corporal roars, his boyfriend must've tested his patience today.

Jean looks a bit flustered as he scrambles to his feet, saluting the man and then running off back to the men's quarters.

"Really?" I say, turning to face him. "Are you going to do this to every guy I want to date, Levi...?" I say, anger hinting in my voice.

"Trust me, Little Sister, It's better this way." He says.

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><p><em><strong>Jean Kirschtein.<strong>_I listen to the sound of his voice over and over in my head, I can feel my heart race faster at the thought of him.

_**Has it really been three years since that** **night? **_

My brain asks another question that I cannot find an answer to.

_**Genevieve Ackerman.** _That's _my_ name, I'm near certain. I feel a warmth wash over, as if someone has just pulled a blanket over me. Someone probably has, most likely Jean.

_**Levi.**_

_**Little Sister.**_

_**First date.**_

All the memories begin to swirl in my head until all I can hear is screaming, It's my own. No one can hear it but me, I know this to be true.

"Remember our first date, Gen?" Jean's voice silences the screaming, I can feel him holding my hand. I think about how cold it is, How much it must be hurting him to see me this way, and how awkward it is that he knows near everything about me and all I can remember is Jean Kirschtein and the time we almost had sex but Big Brother Levi rudely interrupted.

"The anniversary of it is today." He continues, I realize that this must've been the reason my brain was bringing me this memory and nothing else. I can feel him tracing circles on my hand. "I want to remember your laugh... I really am trying to remember it, but It's just so hard, Genevieve. All I remember is hearing you scream like hell just before.." He stays quiet for a coupe of seconds, like he wants to form the proper words for this. "I want to hear you laugh again." He whispered.

It's killing me, I want to wake up. I want to hold him, I want to tell him it's alright and laugh with him but that isn't working.

_**I'll find a way back to you, Jean, I swear it.**_

"How's she feeling?" A broken voice says, My heart immediately shatters. I know this voice.

_**Levi Ackerman;**_

_**Age 33**_

_**My Older Brother**_

_**Humanity's Strongest**_

_**King of the Underground**_

_Strong people aren't supposed to be broken. _Especially not by me.

"She's the same she has been for the past month." Jean says, I feel him hold my hand a little tighter.

"She's fighting, see the color in her cheek." Levi says, walking closer, his voice is hoarse. He's been crying. I want to cringe at the thought of hearing my big brother shed actual tears.

"I need her to wake up, Corporal. She... She..." Jean gets choked up, I feel him let go of my hand. I hear him slink to the floor, his body landing with a hard thud. "She's all I have left." He whispered.

Levi nodded again, his eyes on me, I feel it. I struggle to stay in the real world, I feel the dreams pulling me back in. I want to hear what Levi says. I want to hear Jean's voice again.

"Me too."

The world goes dark, The room is silent.


End file.
